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My doctor told me to start killing people. Well not in those exact words. He told me I had to reduce the stress in my life. Same thing.

kkkkk

It's funny bc it's true! I wore the same outfit for a week one time. It's sad bc yeah, I wore the same outfit for a week. Annnnnnnd bc [tomorrow] is spelled wrong.

"If I give you a nice big straw will you go suck the fun out of someone else's day?" Sayings & Quotes

Hahaha!! Yup!

LolSoTrue: # 344 when i text you a whole paragraph and you text me back 40 minutes later saying 'K'. Are you asking to be punched?

Santa Claus funny

Because I'm a Guy on

Free and Funny Christmas Season Ecard: Dear Santa, I'm writing to let you know that I've been naughty. and it was worth it. You fat, judgmental bastard.

I need to remember this for next time I'm arguing. umm I mean explaining

LOL! I can relate!

That awkward moment when you are not sure if you have free time or you're just forgetting everything! Oh, my goodness, this is my life. So true!

Dear God... All I ask is one chance to prove to you that winning the lottery won't make me a bad person... :D  haha

Free and Funny Reminders Ecard: It's true money can't buy happiness, but I'd cheer up much faster while sitting poolside in a loungechair outside of my oceanfront mansion.

Walk softly around me. My BS tolerance level for you is low today.

"I need a new perspective on life . or maybe just a nap. Yeah, probably just a nap." A nap can cure any number of ills.

- I Love Inspiration

“Don’t Be so Serious, if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me……. I’ll laugh at you!

hahaha. by jeannie

I know some ppl like this. Lemme catch one of them trying to roast marshmallows on my fire. I'll give them a BIG HUG so we can roast together.

Sometimes you just gotta swear  ): /

I think I use gosh darn and meanie head,.well "meanie pants" more than swearing these days. cause swearing might make you feel validated, "meanie pants" will make you smile and laugh again and forget why you were upset in the first place.

funny humor photo: tell a lot tellalot.jpg

Yep -You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands for instance if they are holding a gun, she's probably angry.

♡ Pinterest :: Kayleepo ♡

I'm so tired I could collaspe into bed and sleep for a year. (Gets in bed) how was earth created who made microwaves how does the internet even work I'm hungry feels bad about something i did 4 years ago remembers 73 unfinished tasks too wired to sleep

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